Category: Uncategorized

March 5, 2021

Wisdom

The Aramaic and the Septuagint version of Verse Five of Chapter Twenty-Four of the Book of Proverbs in The Bible reads “It’s better to be wise than to be physically strong.” 

Wisdom is said to be the quality of having as well as applying experience, knowledge, and good judgment. Proverbs says Wisdom is worth more than silver, more precious than rubies and brings more profit than gold!

I’ve been curious and filled with wonder from as early as I can remember…and always on a path seeking Wisdom. 

At specific times in my life, I have asked for Divine Wisdom; I’m aware that I need it every day. Some moments have just weighed heavier and left me feeling like I needed it more. This week was one of those.

Death, sickness, isolation and pain have touched so many of us, and not just because Covid-19 is in our midst. I’ve sat with, spoken with and texted many who were in deep pain. Others have sat with and spoken with me during my heart-breaking moments as well.

I felt helpless. I felt overwhelmed. I felt unsafe. With trembling and a little nervousness, I made difficult decisions, that seemed rushed. sigh. I made the decisions; nonetheless and walked away feeling…a mixed bag of emotions. Then, when it was time to call it a night, I felt the Presence of Wisdom.

Wisdom came in saying, you’ve done all you knew to do. In the difficult moments, you did your best and always, you followed the impressions of the Divine on your heart…and that is all. That is everything.

Physical strength wanes and is limited. Wisdom flows freely to all who will receive. In a world that prizes the external, may we seek Wisdom.

Have we sought the Voice of Wisdom (through being still, through the wise ones around us, through the wise who have gone on before, through Scripture)? Will we choose Wisdom over physical strength? 

Common Day Hero: When I think of Wisdom, I envision a strong, kind woman…like you! Your prayers are the reason for an abundance of comfort, protection and favor in many lives, mine included. CindyH, I dedicate this post to you.

February 26, 2021

amazing

Life has brought the awful, amazing and appalling this season. Sometimes, all-together, in one day.

As I cry (read sob uncontrollably while alone in my car or closet), and process all this pain with more layers than I can even begin to describe, as I’m in the midst of all the awful, I also experience amazing grace.

I was raised with “hold it together”, “keep it together”, “don’t lose your shit” but the real meaning of those statements is that I was to keep up appearances. It was alright if I came unglued alone, in private but I best not let it be seen…ever.

I never wanted to raise my kids with that. I wanted them to be completely free to express themselves.

I signed them up for play therapy when they were younger. I created and bought journals so they could draw, doodle, write thoughts and prayers. I took them on walks and to the park to enjoy time in nature.

I created a gratitude jar, so that we could see and say the good – even in the middle of deep pain. I believe grief and gratitude coexist. I pray with them (if they want). I sing and dance with them (as best I can!)…still, I was unknowingly placing the very same burden that I grew up with, on my kids.

This realization led me to be very intentional in changing course. I genuinely did not want to raise my kids with that same stress. I sought out help through books, therapy and emotional training classes. I began redirecting myself; I started being and creating a safe space for my kids to simply be.

About four years ago, after intentionally working on myself, in every area, I received the greatest compliment. My children told me that they saw change…improvement in me!

The two changes were: I am silly with them more. I ask more questions (answers beget more questions rather than assumptions). What changed was that I embraced myself fully, the way God does ~ in love. And that made all the difference! Love lifted me!

When I chose to embrace the Love of The Divine, I began loving myself. That Love set me free and opened the door for my children to have the choice to be completely safe, secure…free…with me.

The beauty of love is choice. I know, I say it often…I believe it’s worth saying often because when we really know (accept/believe) the Truth, it sets us free!

What has us holding back (in the seemingly smallest or most insignificant way) from receiving Divine Love? What is one step we can take in embracing the Love of The Divine today?

And here’s your LAST chance to make a purchase during African American/Black History month, my friend at Out of Hiding is offering the LOVE(period) collection BOGO (buy one, get one FREE!). Get a shirt, hoodie or tote for you and someone you love…quick! When you purchase, you’re supporting a local business, owned by an African American/Black/Chocolate sisTAH of mine! Let Out of Hiding know that LALIjean sent ya!

Common Day Hero: You’re quick to speak Truth that is challenging and comforting. I’m so grateful that The Divine crossed our paths and orchestrated this friendship. I dedicate this post to you, risotto…Molé!

February 19, 2021

current

Current…as in an electric current is what’s on my mind today.

Living in a first world nation has us accustomed to quite a few things: high-speed internet, WiFi, running hot water within seconds, electricity without interruption, fridges with water dispensers, mobile phone charge lasting for days…ok, weeks…just to name a few!

On the thirteenth of February, the weather changed to unusually cold for Texas and I knew plans would need to be changed…on the fourteenth of February, snow fell and actually stayed with us.

On the fifteenth of February, our electricity went somewhere…on vacation? More snow fell and at first the kids thought it was so cool…an answered prayer. They made a snowman; it turned out looking scary like a halloween snowman, but a snowman nonetheless!

After two days though, my Texan kids were done with snow days!

Unlike when Covid first hit us, we couldn’t watch TV, couldn’t get online, couldn’t play outside (for long!) and had no electricity multiple times during the day and night.

It caused my kids to think about the homeless more; on their own, they added the homeless to their daily prayers. Through the years, we’ve contributed to various organizations that help those who are homeless, but this is as close to really feeling it/empathizing as the kids have come.

It gave us perspective. Through the lens of this week’s events, the kids and I created a “gratitude list”.

Some things we gave thanks for are: electricity, running hot and cold water, food (anytime we want it), a gas stove/fireplace, winter/warm clothes, blankets (a bus load!), candles, flashlights, battery operated LED lights and the winter wonderland (snow covered yard).

Now that constant electricity and running water and internet and WiFi are back, we give thanks for those things as well. We are also grateful to have use of the oven and microwave. We baked cupcakes and crescent rolls and pizza and then I was back to reheating day-old coffee in the microwave (yah, I’m one of those!).

Which first world items are you grateful for this week? What has you gaining/shifting perspective now?

And here’s another reminder that this whole LOVE and African American/Black History month, my friend at Out of Hiding is offering the LOVE(period) collection BOGO (buy one, get one FREE!). Get a shirt, hoodie or tote for you and someone you love…quick! When you purchase, you’re supporting a local business owned by an African American/Black/Chocolate sisTAH of mine! Let Out of Hiding know that LALIjean sent ya!

Common Day Hero: When I didn’t have an accurate picture of African American/Black/Chocolate life in America, you shared riveting stories of your own experiences. I so appreciate your authenticity, your counsel, your prayers and the way you live ~ full of grace. Uncle Joe and Aunt Rochelle, I dedicate this post to you.

February 12, 2021

secure

HEY!

I want to let you know this before and after I share my thoughts because I’m SO excited about this!

February is the LOVE month…a time to celebrate the infinite love of The Divine, love for self and love for ALL. In America, it is also the month we choose to highlight/recognize African American/Black History…to share stories of love, inspiration, tenacity, innovation, justice and the fight for true freedom for all.

My friend at Out of Hiding is offering the LOVE(period) collection BOGO (buy one, get one FREE!) this whole month. Don’t put it off now…get a shirt, hoodie or tote for you and someone you love before they sell out…fast! And please let Out of Hiding know that you heard about it first from LALIjean!

This season of my life has really shown me the people/places where I AM secure.

When I hear the word secure, I immediately think safe. However, safe and secure are two separate things. The definitions that resonate in this moment are: safe says that I’m protected from harm, danger…fill in the blank. Secure says I’m firmly attached, grounded and not lost.

What I know is that I AM always secure in the arms of The Divine…my Yesú/Yeshu/Isa/Jesus.

When in the presence of a secure human, we are safe because we know that we are secure! When we’re in a space that is secure, we can fall apart and it is alright.

We can cry/sob/wail/scream/do-pretty-much-anything and not fear being too much or not enough. We know we won’t “be told” or feel like we shouldn’t behave in a certain way.

We can talk about the same thing again and not be beaten with religious, societal or cultural “supposed tos”. We can give ourselves “permission” to feel without fearing a fix, judgment or a list of “must-dos”.

We can breathe…and just BE!

We can also be a mess, but not messy. We can be disturbed, but not disturbing in return. Secure!

May we grieve the people we thought were safe and/or secure. May we grieve the friendships/relationships that are gone because of death, divorce, growth or other unforeseen/unknown reasons. 

May we grieve that not everyone has the capacity to grow with/alongside us.

And as we grieve, may we give gratitude for those who stayed…those who grew with us…those who genuinely love us…celebrate us and challenge us to be our best always. Grief and Gratitude coexist.

Let’s find and/or create spaces where we can really breathe, sit and truly BE…secure.

And here’s the “after”…my friend at Out of Hiding is offering the LOVE(period) collection BOGO (buy one, get one FREE!) this whole LOVE and African American/Black History month. Get a shirt, hoodie or tote for you and someone you love before they sell out…fast! OoH, almost forgot, when you purchase, you’re supporting an African American/Black/Chocolate sisTAH of mine! Let Out of Hiding know that LALIjean said that!

Common Day Hero: You are someone that I AM secure with and hope I’m a secure space for you as well. You are kind, thoughtful, witty and beautiful. Wish you still lived in the area; I miss knowing that you were just twenty minutes away. sigh. Grateful you’re in my life. Today, I dedicate this post to you, JennV!

February 5, 2021

fire

Fire…it refines; it burns away the dross…it brings forth pure gold.

Fire does not feel good unless it’s cold or windy…then being seated close (but not too close!) to the fire is comforting for me. I think fire (in a fireplace or pit) is pretty and I’m always ready for s’mores!

I’ve heard difficult times/trials described as “going through fire”. I’ve heard (and sung) many songs about going through fire and the refiner’s fire…sigh. Through the years, nuh-thing, absolutely nuh-th-ing prepared me for the intensity of the various trials that came my way.

Now, in the midst of this most difficult of seasons, I will bend, but I will not break. I will grieve, but I will not give up. I will feel it all, but I will not be run by fear.

A friend recently texted me a verse that I learned in childhood. It came at a time when I really needed to be reassured, “For I, says the Lord, will be a ring of fire all around her and I will be the glory in her midst.” Some translations say “wall of fire”. Found in Verse five of Chapter two from the Book of Zechariah in The Bible.

Seeing the words “I will be a ring of fire all around her” brought so much comfort to me. Reading those words, in this time, I felt seen. I felt safe. I felt protected.

I cannot say that everything will go as you or I plan because that is not how life on our planet works…sigh. Life brings us happy, sad, unexpected, fun, disappointing, heart-breaking, soul-wrenching, joy-filled, ecstatic moments.

In the moments that life brings us delight, may we fully celebrate and enjoy it all. In the deeply painful and overwhelmingly sad moments, may we let ourselves grieve. And in our grieving, may we remember that we are not alone, dear Warriors.

The Divine is a ring of fire around us…a wall of safety and protection.

This season will not be the end of me. I will survive (now I’m singing the song; thank you Diana Ross!), I will live, I will thrive! I will experience goodness, grace and joy. I will move forward because this ring of fire protects and empowers me!

Close your eyes with me. Envision The ring of fire around you…what are you feeling?

Common Day Hero: You are an exemplary mom, a great daughter, sibling, friend and wife. I have been so encouraged by your words, prayers and verses. LilyS, I dedicate this post to you.

January 29, 2021

family

In twenty-sixteen, I wrote out a family statement. I felt that creating a statement that we could say together, every morning before school, would be an encouragement for the kids. The kids were excited about it.

I hoped (hope) it would remind them of the Truth especially when the lies come at them. I hoped (still hope) it would be a “go-to” for them when they need to remember who they really are.

I revised the statement in twenty-eighteen, but we didn’t say the statement regularly after relocating that fall (the kids weren’t up for it…maybe because so much had been turned upside down in their world…sigh).

In the fall of twenty-twenty, amidst more unexpected changes (I know changes all year…for everyone worldwide!), I asked the kids if they’d like to start saying our family statement again. They said Yes!

This week, I asked the kids if they’d like to share our statement on the blog. They said Yes! My heart in sharing our family statement is so that if you choose, you may find inspiration in creating your own.

Here’s ours (actions and all!):

We raise our hand as if making an oath

I AM a child of God (point up)

I AM a Stanley (link arms)

I AM a believer (sign of the cross)

I AM loved (hands over heart)

I AM important (chest puffed out)

I AM powerful (muscles)

I AM a World Changer (swirling lasso above head)

Then, we bring our palms in and yell, GO Stanleys!

I’ve told my children that this statement is for us. We believe it. It is Truth to encourage and remind us of the unity and strength within us.

We may not be loved by all; that is alright because we love ourselves, God loves us and we love each other. We may not be important to all people, but we are important to our Creator and to each other. We need not be arrogant; we simply know that we are a vital part of this family and will bring good to the world.

We may feel powerless sometimes, but we are powerful to choose to live our lives to the fullest, to choose the direction of our dreams, to choose our response to the negatives hurled at or forced on us.

We choose to be world changers ~ where we see injustice, we speak up; where we see a need, we help with creative solutions. Remembering the Truth carries us through it all.

If creating a statement as a family (or for your family) is on your heart, here are a few questions to consider:

What is the message of your family or what do you want it to be? What will reassure/encourage your hearts and remind you of Truth? If you have very young children, you may only want three short sentences now. The statement can always be expanded, through the years, as you like.

Not everyone is about creating a statement. Would you prefer to write a song for your family? Would you prefer to choose a “family song”? Once a week, gather and play/sing the song then hug and reaffirm one another of how important the family is.

Common Day Hero: You are such a sweet spirit. You were a great mom to your three. Your kindness and your home were always such a safe space for me. Thank you for opening your heart and home to me. My friend Myra, I dedicate this post to you. I know you can see it from that mansion in the sky. I miss you dearly.

January 22, 2021

hair

Yesú calls me beautiful.

I have decided that no one else, no external source – family, society, media, religious leaders, culture (my curry folks/folx included) define beauty for me. I AM defined by The Most Powerful, Incomparably Kind, Ceaselessly Loving and Fiercely Loyal One, my Abba and Amma, my Constant, Yesú.

I have beauty to offer regardless of the size of my lips, nose, chest, hips, thighs or any other part of me. I have beauty to offer regardless of the color of my eyes or the tone of my skin. I have beauty to offer regardless of my level of education.

I have beauty to offer whether I have (or don’t have) tattoos, body piercings or cosmetic surgery. I have beauty to offer whether I gave birth, adopted, never had kids, married, divorced, widowed, never married or remarried!

I have beauty to offer regardless of the amount of hair (or lack of) on my head (or anywhere else on my body, for that matter!). Speaking of hair, there is such a vast amount of cultural/religious practices and beliefs surrounding hair…worldwide. I am of South Indian descent. Long hair is/was synonymous with woman.

At forty-three years of age, while in Chennai, on a trip for my non-profit org, I decided to shave my head, for the first time in my life!

My mother was appalled and disappointed beyond words. My husband didn’t speak to me for three weeks (rolling my eyes and shaking my head). 

A person I’d considered a friend completely distanced herself and when asked, said she thought I did it for attention (twenty years and she still doesn’t know me!). Sidebar: length of time doesn’t translate to knowledge, care or depth of friendship. Anyhow, she refused to allow me a real conversation. I can’t begin to imagine why she thought she had a say on MY hair. I’m alright with people not liking it (some other friends shared that they didn’t like it; we all have our preferences), but I’m not anyone’s property and do not require human “approval”.

I AM led by The Divine. I choose to listen to the thoughts and opinions of those whom I have committed to learn from, grow with, value and respect. People of integrity, wisdom, kindness and love.

On that late summer afternoon, the sixth of July in two thousand nineteen, when I looked in the mirror of that salon in Chennai (freshly shaved!), I immediately saw my dad. That brought tears…sigh…miss him so much.

Here’s the essence of what I journaled that day: shaving my head is symbolic…for me, personally it’s a shedding of all the weight I need not carry, but for too long, have carried. It is representative of my belief that true beauty can not be dictated/defined by any external source. The Divine has deemed me worthy, beautiful and irreplaceable. I embrace beauty from my core and choose to fully be ME!

So…this week (on Inauguration Day, in fact), I donned my pearls and went for a haircut (see today’s blog image!). I have beauty to offer…and so do you, dear heart!

Even if you may not believe it just yet, say these words below (out loud!). I’ll say them with you! Write them on your mirror. Write them on a notecard and tape it to your wallet (or somewhere you can be reminded often).

I AM beautiful and I have beauty to offer the world.

Gandhiji said, “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change“.

Do we believe long hair, fair skin, body size or some other external source defines beauty? If so, want to begin the journey of discarding those ideas and embracing Truth…want to start looking through a different lens, welcoming a new perspective? Let all the feelings and thoughts come up ~ why do we place value on the length/color/style of a woman’s hair or other external items…fill in the blank? What’s one step we can take towards change today?

Common Day Hero: You are a kind heart. You step in and help without being asked (when I ask as well!). You are a beautiful soul and continue to bring so much beauty to the spaces that are fortunate to have you. Today, KimD, I dedicate this post to you.

January 15, 2021

deserve

Do we operate from a place of “deserve” or love?

Wonder Woman (in the movie that released in 2017) says, “It’s not about deserve and I believe in love”. I took the kids to see the movie when it first released, but we just recently watched it again and this time around, this sentence catapulted itself into my heart.

“It’s not about deserve and I believe in love.”

When the seemingly mundane tasks are to be done like washing the dishes, folding the fourth load of laundry, wiping down the counters, cleaning the toilet that never looks clean even when it’s just been cleaned for the twentieth time, am I doing it because one “deserves” it or simply from a heart of love?

When someone asks for a favor, am I doing it because I’ve deemed them worthy and/or because they’ve done things to deserve it or simply because I believe in operating from a place of love?

I’m introspective and reflective (my dad and sister are to be credited for that) so I regularly process why I do what I do and whether my heart is evident. I’ve lived this way for some time now. Every thing I do is fully from my heart. No obligation. No “shoulds”…just a heart of love.

This is most difficult to practice when someone has decided not to keep their love on anymore. When an individual who has been such an intricate part of our lives decides to move in a different direction, it is imperative to ask ourselves how we can still move from a place of love.

This keeps our hearts fully free and open to give and receive love.

And a heart-check is always in order. Am I operating from a base of love or obligation? What is currently weighing my heart down? What steps can I take to ensure that I’m operating fully from my heart?

Common Day Hero: Many have violated your trust and ignored or dismissed your heart, but you continue to shine brightly. Through the years, your heart has remained open to love. You have brought (and will continue to bring) love and understanding cross cultures, religion and generations. Mahi, I dedicate this post to you.

January 8, 2021

momentum

Over a decade (or more) ago, I began getting a word for the year. I didn’t ask for it…every year, on the last day of the year, slightly past midnight, a word would come sit with me.

Uninvited but determined…slowly, I’d sigh and accept the word. Not sure why, but I can’t recall ever being excited in the moment I initially receive the word!

In November of twenty nineteen, a word came to me, suddenly, seemingly out of the blue, yet, so strong…why this early? Why now? I heard in my heart that it was my word for twenty-twenty. I made note of it. The word was momentum.

Yes, I hear ya laughing…momentum?! Considering the year we’ve all just had…worldwide! sigh. I believe The Divine shut down the world with a pandemic to get me moving in the direction of my dreams. 

I AM grateful for Covid. It has brought so much good and simultaneously much yuck to the surface that may otherwise never have been allowed space in the Light. sigh.

It has always been (and is) a great joy for me to see others fulfilling/living in their dreams. I didn’t realize though that I went into hiding and pushed my own dreams aside…many moons ago. This pandemic brought to life some of my dreams. Here are the happenings:

January 2020 – committed to a conscious entrepreneur group – learn more and join us ShiftCo

February 2020 – started this blog (a work in progress)

March 2020 – the kids began at-home learning; I was (and am) so glad to have the kids home! I know their excitement didn’t match mine from day one, but now they’re glad too!

April 2020 – started a You Tube channel (work in progress fa sho!)

May 2020 – started MissEdit (a proofreading and editing business)

June 2020 – began exploring additional business ideas with friends

July 2020 – booked my first podcast!

November 2020 – my first podcast went live – listen here!

I gained momentum both personally and professionally. Twenty twenty brought great joy, some unexpected and deep pain as well as growth. As I reflect, I’m asking myself these questions:

What is working now because of last year’s happenings? What was hurtful or unexpected and will require more reflection, heart-work/therapy? What three items am I most grateful for from last year? What am I looking forward to/working towards this new year…spiritually, emotionally, physically, relationally?

Common Day Hero: You are generous, kind, a friend in need and a great journalist! Your strength is seen in the numerous ways you continue to rise…like a phoenix. Julie, I dedicate this post to you.

January 1, 2021

wordS

A new year is upon us! HAPPY and HEALTHY 2021 dear ones!

Every year, I find it difficult to believe that another year has flown by…already?!

I’ve been a “words” person for as long as I can remember! My word is my bond. Words carry so much weight for me. When given the time to process, I AM careful with my words. My heart is to only say words from a place of love and kindness.

When not given the time to process, I’ve said words that were hurtful to others. Words I’d like to erase. sigh. As much as is possible (when the parties have made themselves available), I have apologized for negative words.

At times, my words have been misunderstood. I haven’t always accurately stated a true reflection of my heart and haven’t always been given the chance to clear up misunderstandings. I’ve reconciled those within myself.

How many of us have felt the cut…the sting…the blow of hurtful words? I guess all of us. sigh. How many of us have felt empowered, uplifted and rejuvenated by encouraging words? I trust all of us!

wordS…powerful, inspiring, motivating…crushing…if we take the “S” and put it up front, we have Sword. I personally believe Truth is our sword.

Sometimes, circumstances cause our vision to become blurred. Sometimes, we are quick to doubt the Truth and believe lies. Sometimes, we grow weary and our strength is depleted.

If we are sad, overwhelmed, disappointed, angry or fill in the blank, may we let in the Light and Love of those around us. May we let the Truth be spoken and sung over/for us, so Truth alone takes root in us.

Dear fellow Warrior, let’s raise our Swords in unison…especially for those of us who have no strength to lift ours in this moment. Let’s put our arms around and under each other; let’s commit to support one another with love and grace. Let’s commit to kind words, gentle/affirming actions and silence as needed…and always, let’s raise our swords on behalf of our collective/total healing and health.

As we step into the new year, may we be empowered by Truth…to process each day, to fully face tomorrow and always to keep our heads held up high because even on the most difficult days, this is the Truth:

I AM who I AM says I AM…and so are you!

Truth comes through the words of The Divine (now and always)…the words of those committed to carrying/walking with me through difficult moments…the words of countless songs, stories and prayers.

Through my tears, I choose to let Truth wash over me, cover me, fill me…and I raise my sword. Full of gratitude for the fellow Warriors alongside me, especially in this season.

Common Day Hero: You are a Warrior, friend in need, Truth Teller and fierce Mom. Thank you for praying, believing and standing with/for me. NicoleR, I dedicate this post to you.

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