Tag: grieve

August 20, 2024

okay

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay
I choose
to be still…

sometimes I close my eyes

sometimes I daydream

sometimes I stay in bed WaY past  morning

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay
I cry
I sob
I scream (alone)

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay
I smile at others
some whom I know

and some who look familiar

and some whom I don’t recognize at all

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay
I watch comedians and comediennes
I play with my furBabies, especially my youngest cat BluOreo

I listen to music
I talk with friends
I talk to Heaven

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay

I read
I scribble
I doodle
I write

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay
I simply sit…

on the floor, on the sofa with my TeenAngels, on the bed with my cats, at the dining table…

I am not okay…and in the absence of okay

I know…it is more than okay
that
I am not okay

because
always, anywhere, anytime
Heaven is okay
and
Heaven is holding me

Common Day Hero: I never, ever thought you’d leave earth before me. 31years is still too short a time to have known you, my dearest Maddy. My heart is shattering. Love and miss you so much. Hug Opa, Nonnie and all our dear ones for me and JadEvan, please.

February 24, 2022

birthdays

This week, my father celebrated his sixth birthday in the afterlife…still so surreal; sigh. Will it always seem this…strange?

I miss him so terribly much. Wish I could hug him. Wish I could see his face here, physically. Wish I could tell him ALL the things I appreciate about him.

I know he’s having the time of his life, celebrating it up with all his family and friends in Heaven. He is one of the reasons I carry so much faith and love. He modeled loving all people. He was a strong man of faith.

His methods weren’t the greatest, but he instilled so much Scripture into my life from a very young age (three!) and those verses continue to guide, comfort and empower me…daily!

He was brilliant, an acute observer, quick-tempered, grateful for all he had and readily asked for and extended forgiveness.

He was named David. According to The Holy Bible, David was a man after God’s own heart. My dad, flawed like me, was a man after God’s own heart. Wish I could’ve seen that while he was physically here; I would’ve told him.

We represent the very heart of The Divine when we depend on the Power of Heaven, when we return (as often as necessary) to our foundation – the Ultimate Light and Eternal Love which carries us and empowers us to live in grace and forgiveness.

While my dad was here on Earth, our relationship wasn’t close/ideal. I began seeing all the good qualities after he relocated. I see him in dreams and visions; I know he’s close (closer now in some ways)…I know he loves me so much, supports my dreams, can relate to me and is so proud of me…it’s bitter-sweet.

There is no prerequisite to love.

Establish healthy boundaries with those in your life (a secure fence around the property line).

Enjoy (as fully and as best as possible) those who are presently in your life.

Empower yourself (in all the ways you need).

Common Day Hero: Gentle strength, Truth-teller, diligent worker, Man of Faith, witty, so many words to describe you. Every moment Heaven grants with you is a gift. Fazal-Pa, I dedicate this post to you.

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