Life has brought the awful, amazing and appalling this season. Sometimes, all-together, in one day.
As I cry (read sob uncontrollably while alone in my car or closet), and process all this pain with more layers than I can even begin to describe, as I’m in the midst of all the awful, I also experience amazing grace.
I was raised with “hold it together”, “keep it together”, “don’t lose your shit” but the real meaning of those statements is that I was to keep up appearances. It was alright if I came unglued alone, in private but I best not let it be seen…ever.
I never wanted to raise my kids with that. I wanted them to be completely free to express themselves.
I signed them up for play therapy when they were younger. I created and bought journals so they could draw, doodle, write thoughts and prayers. I took them on walks and to the park to enjoy time in nature.
I created a gratitude jar, so that we could see and say the good – even in the middle of deep pain. I believe grief and gratitude coexist. I pray with them (if they want). I sing and dance with them (as best I can!)…still, I was unknowingly placing the very same burden that I grew up with, on my kids.
This realization led me to be very intentional in changing course. I genuinely did not want to raise my kids with that same stress. I sought out help through books, therapy and emotional training classes. I began redirecting myself; I started being and creating a safe space for my kids to simply be.
About four years ago, after intentionally working on myself, in every area, I received the greatest compliment. My children told me that they saw change…improvement in me!
The two changes were: I am silly with them more. I ask more questions (answers beget more questions rather than assumptions). What changed was that I embraced myself fully, the way God does ~ in love. And that made all the difference! Love lifted me!
When I chose to embrace the Love of The Divine, I began loving myself. That Love set me free and opened the door for my children to have the choice to be completely safe, secure…free…with me.
The beauty of love is choice. I know, I say it often…I believe it’s worth saying often because when we really know (accept/believe) the Truth, it sets us free!
What has us holding back (in the seemingly smallest or most insignificant way) from receiving Divine Love? What is one step we can take in embracing the Love of The Divine today?
And here’s your LAST chance to make a purchase during African American/Black History month, my friend at Out of Hiding is offering the LOVE(period) collection BOGO (buy one, get one FREE!). Get a shirt, hoodie or tote for you and someone you love…quick! When you purchase, you’re supporting a local business, owned by an African American/Black/Chocolate sisTAH of mine! Let Out of Hiding know that LALIjean sent ya!
Common Day Hero: You’re quick to speak Truth that is challenging and comforting. I’m so grateful that The Divine crossed our paths and orchestrated this friendship. I dedicate this post to you, risotto…Molé!