cigar

Wrote this on 8 April, 2024, after visiting a cigar shop…

 

I AM the smoke inside your lungs

and

when you exhale,

I’m the residue

clinging

to the inner lining

the walls

of your chambers

coating the inside

with

my color and warmth

and

making my mark

so

you’ll always be mine

across

all timelines…

and galaxies

forever, mine

 

Common Day Hero: I cannot begin to describe all that is the make-up of this deep, at times, sharp pain. Sometimes, crushing…sometimes, overwhelming…the tears seemingly endless. I sob into my pillow so as not to make a sound, that can be heard. And amidst the pain on this path, there has also been joy. sigh. So, through the tears, I offer praise…for moments that felt like Heaven on earth. For lessons learned, RMA, I dedicate this to you.

okay

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay
I choose
to be still…

sometimes I close my eyes

sometimes I daydream

sometimes I stay in bed WaY past  morning

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay
I cry
I sob
I scream (alone)

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay
I smile at others
some whom I know

and some who look familiar

and some whom I don’t recognize at all

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay
I watch comedians and comediennes
I play with my furBabies, especially my youngest cat BluOreo

I listen to music
I talk with friends
I talk to Heaven

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay

I read
I scribble
I doodle
I write

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay
I simply sit…

on the floor, on the sofa with my TeenAngels, on the bed with my cats, at the dining table…

I am not okay…and in the absence of okay

I know…it is more than okay
that
I am not okay

because
always, anywhere, anytime
Heaven is okay
and
Heaven is holding me

Common Day Hero: I never, ever thought you’d leave earth before me. 31years is still too short a time to have known you, my dearest Maddy. My heart is shattering. Love and miss you so much. Hug Opa, Nonnie and all our dear ones for me and JadEvan, please.

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