Tag: standup

October 2, 2020

kind

Earlier this week, my husband and I went for a walk together. He slowed his pace for me. Not all the way down to my pace, but enough to be just a tiny bit ahead of me! We walked a mile and then my left foot failed me! One half came down on the sidewalk and the other half couldn’t find a safe landing. It all happened SO fast.

What I know is as I was falling, I put my hands out…as soon as I could, so that I didn’t face-plant into the unforgiving concrete! My knee immediately started stinging, my hands were scraped up and stinging too, but PRAISE Abba my glasses weren’t scratched at all .

For those who may not know, I am quite blind without my glasses and even with them, the vision’s a little unreliable! So, unfortunately, this makes my glasses unnecessarily expensive. I can choose a no name, plain pair and it will still hit well into three digits without the anti-glare lenses! Long sigh.

So yah, I’m praising coz I also turned my head to the side as I was falling and my glasses didn’t touch the ground! My husband immediately turned around saying, did your foot give way? He started to reach down and I yelled, don’t touch me! He said ok, sighed and stood next to me.

He just couldn’t accept that I was saying no to what he viewed as much needed help. Why would I refuse him picking me up? It would go much faster. He could be on his way then. He needed to do something.

My personality is to ask for help when I need it and if asked, let you know if I need it or not. So, asking me one time is alright because I’ll shoot straight. In the past, I would’ve just let him pick me up, check the injury, hold me, etc. And my reason would’ve been so that he didn’t feel bad. Not today!

It took me a minute, but I sat there as long as I needed. And while I sat, evaluating the situation, gathering my strength, shaking a little and just trying to breathe, I had to answer him at least five times – no, stop, I got this! His personality is that of a fixer/rescuer/savior.

My husband cares for me and I care for him, but we are two very different personalities. Not right or wrong. Just different! One is not “better” than the other – just different!

I finally felt ready enough to move. First, a deep breath – pause – then I folded one leg behind me – pause – then put one foot flat on the ground – pause – leaned forward – pause – placed both hands on the ground – pause – pushed up with my hands (so that no weight fell on the injured knee/leg) – pause – stood up straight – pause – took a deep breath and then started walking…er, limping!

As I limp-walked, I thought about how many times I’ve just let others act…without regard for what I felt or wanted in the moment. Others.

Well-intentioned others. Narcissistic others. Trying-to-help-but-not-hearing-me others. Others. No more! It may take me longer, it may ruffle some feathers, it may look unconventional, but Imma be still. Imma sit/stay in the same place for as long as I need. I genuinely believe that The Divine created us all with power and equality. We have varying abilities, talents and gifts, but created with power and equality. 

A short, four years ago, I began learning and fully embracing my intrinsic worth and value. I learned that it is completely alright for me to respond differently than how I’ve been…conditioned. It is alright to take a step back, take time to breathe…pause/process…then respond from my heart. 

It’s still new to me. I’m fresh out the toddler stage in this area, but I continue to learn and grow.

I’m sometimes viewed as unkind, ungrateful and a host of other negatives when I ask for space. I feel that happens when we elevate one personality over another. We are not all the same. We need not be the same. Our differences if welcomed, offer ~ beauty, diversity, freedom and creativity, just to name a few.

Many times we equate kindness to not speaking up for ourselves. You can be Kind and Firm. One doesn’t negate the other. Make room for yourself: your feelings, your thoughts, your heart. You can be Kind and Firm as you pause to process, breathe, evaluate and move forward.

In all of your relationships, are you remaining true to what’s on your heart? Do you genuinely know (in your heart) that it is alright to ask for space? If space isn’t “given”, will you take the space you need?

Common Day Hero: You are a strong prayer warrior. You sympathize with others regardless of differences. You are a beautiful person, both externally and internally. You make the best fudge (why can’t this be available year-round again?!). Aunt Karen/Nana, I dedicate this post to you.

September 18, 2020

denial

It’s easy to see when those around us refuse to face the truth…especially if we believe it’s dangling directly in front of their faces. Something so big, it can’t be denied and yet…it is.

We see it all for others, but do we make excuses to hide behind the fears in front of us? Do we dismiss what is on our own hearts and minds? Statements or thoughts like oh, it’s ok. I’ll just stay quiet, so no one else feels awkward. I don’t want to cause a ruckus. I don’t want to draw attention when others haven’t said anything.

Have we compared and essentially minimized our story? Examples: my situation isn’t as bad as theirs. I’ve heard so much worse. I know this isn’t a big deal. I don’t even know why I’m talking about these issues when others go through a whole lot more.

How many times have we let others tell us (verbally or through their actions) what a “spiritual”, “proper” or “acceptable” response is? Have we let a spouse, friend, extended family member, social or religious group decide what our next steps must be?

Have we allowed other voices to dictate our feelings and/or the meaning of the actions done to us? Regardless of how “innocently” the harm occurred, it is still harm. Being stabbed is painful…no matter what the back story.

Sadly, so many people throw out verses and words like “extend grace”, “just trust” and “respond in love” to those who are the VICTIMS…those who have been wronged, violated, taken advantage of, mistreated, fill in the blank and sometimes repeatedly.

I fully believe the Divine always has room for the perpetrator and the victim, but I do NOT believe that the victim must be silenced. I do not believe that fear, manipulation or guilt are to be given a leadership position.

I’m reaching back to my Sunday School days for this: The One who promised never to leave or forsake you is true to that promise. Even when the support you thought you would always have changes and even if every one leaves, The Divine is with you.

IF you have been violated in ANY way – verbally, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, you are not alone. I weep with you. You are worth speaking up for, standing up for, fighting for…always!

Wherever you find yourself today – perpetrator (looking in the window), victim (looking out of the window; wishing, hoping and screaming for a way out), you are seen and loved. The Divine is always with you…arms wide open to embrace you (or give you dap!) because Love heals.

Now let’s get the help we need. Let’s not ignore or dismiss anything; let’s invite Divine Love into our lives. Let’s truly care for and love one another in DEED. Practical points for us to “love one another in DEED” –

If the perpetrator is a friend or family member, may I encourage you not to let the relationship blind you to what is necessary? Help set up therapy, psychiatric evaluations or anything else that is helpful.

If you are the perpetrator, The Divine is waiting on you. Light, Love and Healing awaits. The Divine will walk with you through the most difficult of situations, Overcomer!

If you or someone you know is a victim, reach out to a licensed counselor and support group. Lean in to close friends who will prioritize safety. Stand in your power even if no one stands with you. The Divine will carry you through the storm, fellow Warrior!

Is there any area where we are in denial? If so, what is one truth we can sit with today? If we’re not ready to embrace it all yet, can we just sit with it a bit? Is someone close to us in denial? If yes, how can we keep ourselves safe and sane?

Common Day Hero: On the day I first met you, you stood up for me. I will always remember how much it filled my heart to have that day with you and Kochayan. I have always wished that you lived near me, but when I became a mother, I really mourned not having you close. I thought (and still think) of you often and especially when I desperately need grace. You are wise, welcoming, an amazing cook, witty and fun. Beautiful Sushi, I dedicate this post to you.

Scroll to top