lalijean.com

November 12, 2024 Post a Comment

rocky

Don’t really have an explanation, but the movie Rocky is what came to mind today (10 FEB 2023). This quote just resonated in the moment. “You’re gonna eat lightning, you’re gonna crap thunder!” -Rocky, the 1976 movie!

I came across the above saved in my drafts and I immediately began weeping, yes weeping, not just a little cry…a shaking, sobbing, wailing caused by overwhelming sadness because my brother Mad/Maddy/Madison left earth in July and I never published this and I had written the dedication to him and MW; however, hadn’t shared it with them. sigh.

Now, here I sit, having difficulty grasping that our dear Maddy has really relocated. People all around ask how we are doing and I’m unclear what to say. Why do we ask others how they’re doing when the unthinkable, inexplicable and devastating has occurred?

Miss you Maddy. I know you’re happy and whole and free with Opa, Nonnie, Aunt Norma, Uncle Scott, GrandPa and GrandMa Kamp as well as many others on the other side.

Hugs, dear Maddy.

To all who know loss and grief, here…in it, with you. Hugs (or dap, if you prefer).

We are not alone in the sadness, anger, despair…all of it…including the moments of joy and laughter and celebrations as well…some chocolate, coffee, a slice of sugar, a cup of chai…together.

In it ALL…together.

Common Day Hero: You are so dearly loved and held in thoughts and prayers always. Opa’s work ethic, humor and curiosity live on through you. Today, I dedicate this post to you, my two vanilla brothers, MW and Mad.

October 31, 2024 Post a Comment

feet first…

The enemy of our souls would like for us to focus on the external – the list is quite exhausting; however, a few examples are the way we look, or don’t…the size of our bag, bank account…and waist…the model and make and year of our vehicles, how much we place on our plates at a gathering, the way we believe others view us and on and on…

That dangerous journey down comparison lane leads to a sharp and unexpected turn (loop, really) on anxiety avenue which then has us careening down a noisy and bumpy few roads of fear and typically ends on an all-too-familiar but extremely unpleasant road of despair and then weS typically on repeat again.

The Divine focuses on the internal and invites us to do the same.

Whispers, on the daily, from The Divine:

I love you (exactly as you are).

You are adored (all day, eryDay!)

You are an image bearer…a reflection of all that is Divine.

IF we surrender to this journey of feeling it ALL, we’re given the opportunity to face each feeling. Feelings are valid and what is acknowledged/felt has the potential to be healed. I believe, in this human experience, we are healed and ever-healing as we choose therapy, art (dancing, drawing, singing, humming, rocking, cradling ourselves etc), time in nature (soaking in the sun, walking, jogging, running, reading), support groups, mindfulness, workshops/seminars, retreats, time for deep breathing, laughter (watching shorts/comedy), tears (just allowing ourselves to cry, sit and cry or lie down and cry, just cry…pour it all out), classes (anything that interests us now), primal screaming (into a pillow so as not to scare others!).

My experience has been that when we open our hearts and minds, the path will yield realizations for review, we can then implement what best helps (it can/may look different for each of us). We can uniquely experience the very essence of Solace, the Presence of the Prince of Peace/Yeshu, the fierce and kind, Holy Spirit/Amma and the Eternal embodiment of Love, Abba/Father.

Sometimes the journey can feel dark, darker than imaginable. Sitting with the dark has been healing for me and simultaneously, My Word is a lamp to your feet and a Light to the path (verse 105 in chapter 119 of the Book of Psalms in The Holy Bible). I learned that verse when I was quite young and through the years have been comforted by the Presence of The Word, especially in moments that seemed to come at me directly from hell. I hope it is a comfort to you as well, dearHeart.

Typically, the Light has been just enough for the next step. A reminder to Trust Heaven…Trust The Divine whispers…Trust the Voice of fierce and protective and Sweet Holy Spirit/Amma…Trust the impressions of Heaven on our hearts…Trust that cup of coffee, chai or hot chocolate! Even in the dark, I do not ask for clarity because I have committed to daily (actually, moment by moment) walk by faith. I Ask for an increase in Trust. I Ask for Fortitude and Wisdom and Joy in the journey.

Move forward, brave one, not because of clarity, but because of confidence in the One who carries when we can’t even stand, calms us when we can’t see/understand and comforts us while creating a way when there seems to be no way.

Feet first. Stand – if all you can do is stand…simply stand.

Face the feelings. Share – in a journal, with a group, in therapy.

Feel the entirety of it all. Suppress no more – let all the feelings surface.

Find healing of some sort for your heart and mind. Skim the surface, be rid of what’s not helpful. Screen and sift and secure what’s necessary for healing and health, overall.

Forward – step forward even if you can take just 1 step. It is significant -1 step! Here in it all, with you.

Common Day Hero: babyAriya, you bring such joy to everyone. The timing of the Divine sending you to our world has restored HOPE (Heavenly Oxygen Permeating Earth), renewed trust and redeemed joy to us. You are deeply loved and we pray your light continues to shine brightly always. Today, I dedicate this post to you…your very existence has us healing and moving forward.

October 17, 2024

cigar

Wrote this on 8 April, 2024, after visiting a cigar shop…

I AM the smoke inside your lungs

and

when you exhale,

I’m the residue

clinging

to the inner lining

the walls

of your chambers

coating the inside

with

my color and warmth

and

making my mark

you’ll always be mine

across

all timelines…

and galaxies

forever, mine

Common Day Hero: I cannot begin to describe all that is the make-up of this deep, at times, sharp pain. Sometimes, crushing…sometimes, overwhelming…the tears seemingly endless. I sob into my pillow so as not to make a sound, that can be heard. And amidst the pain on this path, there has also been joy. sigh. So, through the tears, I offer praise…for moments that felt like Heaven on earth. For lessons learned, RMA, I dedicate this to you.

September 8, 2024

special

Aren’t we all special...not just individuals who are a part of Special Ed? My dear sister, Leela, has autism and severe developmental delays. She is among the reasons I love all people and am ever an advocate.

I believe we are all differently abled, special, challenged and worthy of kindness and love.

When was the first time we realized we are not the same?

When did differences begin standing out more than similarities?

Did it become cause for division rather than unity?

Different doesn’t equal exclude or keep at a distance.

We each have beauty to offer and a diverse array of gifts to bring to the table…and together, I believe all of it creates something to be enjoyed and appreciated by all.

Maybe it’s patience, kindness and genuine care that will help with change…in our circles and then the circles at large.

What is one way you can include someone who is typically not included?

Is there a gathering, an event perhaps, which you can make a part of your calendar this year?

Could you host a party for those who often aren’t on the invite list?

Inclusion is simple…pleasantly surprising…rewarding even because our hearts were made for connection.

Here’s to being special!

Common Day Hero: You bring so much laughter to our world. You are a genius and don’t know it (I’ve seen your work). May your light shine brightly always. Hugs and best wishes, EMJ!

August 20, 2024

okay

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay
I choose
to be still…

sometimes I close my eyes

sometimes I daydream

sometimes I stay in bed WaY past morning

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay
I cry
I sob
I scream (alone)

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay
I smile at others
some whom I know

and some who look familiar

and some whom I don’t recognize at all

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay
I watch comedians and comediennes
I play with my furBabies, especially my youngest cat BluOreo

I listen to music
I talk with friends
I talk to Heaven

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay

I read
I scribble
I doodle
I write

I am not okay
and in the absence of okay
I simply sit…

on the floor, on the sofa with my TeenAngels, on the bed with my cats, at the dining table…

I am not okay…and in the absence of okay

I know…it is more than okay
that
I am not okay

because
always, anywhere, anytime
Heaven is okay
and
Heaven is holding me

Common Day Hero: I never, ever thought you’d leave earth before me. 31years is still too short a time to have known you, my dearest Maddy. My heart is shattering. Love and miss you so much. Hug Opa, Nonnie and all our dear ones for me and JadEvan, please.

February 3, 2024

sublime

As the years pass, I realize life is less than sublime…I don’t know if all of us believed (at some point in our younger years) that life was peaches and cream or rainbows and unicorns or faloodeh (falooda/faluda) and rasgullas!

Life is big and beautiful, gloriously difficult and fun, looming and tiresome…and from my perspective, so worth the living.

Speaking with someone this morning, I realized I have a wish/prayer for us all this month of love…

May you take as many deep and full breaths as you need.

May you light a candle, on the darkest of nights/days, even if it’s the only light in the moment…focus on the flame as you hum, sing, count or sit mesmerized by all that is illuminated by this smallest of lights.

May you walk in the park, or on a trail in the city, or simply down the sidewalk and bask in the sun.

May you find your way to a body of water if water speaks comfort, healing and joy to your soul…whether that be a pond, lake, swimming pool or the ocean herself.

May the sights and sounds of nature bring delight to you…the birds chirping and flying together (for reasons still unclear to me, seeing the V formation delights my soul!) , the squirrels and bunnies’ sudden movements, the beauty of the trees, the movement made by the wind…

May you be gently reminded of how much you’re valued, wanted…and needed here.

May you hug and hold yourself if no one is present to physically hold you now. The experts say we need eight hugs to survive and twelve to thrive…daily!

May words of affirmation and encouragement rise up through lyrics, verses, cards, comedy, your circle as well as pleasantly surprising and unexpected sources.

May there be moments of wonder and awe and…sheer delight and pure joy.

May dreams be awakened within you…vivid and colorful and carefree…may visions continue to come to you and fuel your HOPE (Heavenly Oxygen Permeating Earth).

May you find grounding techniques helpful.

May you touch five different things…various fabrics, papers, paint or other liquids…and may you fully feel them…the texture, the way it feels on your fingertips, the way it feels to hold…

May you look intently at four things and be comforted…maybe see some things never seen before.

May you listen to three different sounds and be soothed, encouraged, consoled, have creativity spark…maybe close your eyes to concentrate on the sounds.

May you smell two different scents and immerse yourself in the aroma…and where it takes you.

May you taste one sweet or savory item of your choice (or both sweet and salty!) and give yourself the freedom to truly relish it.

May you find comfort and courage and strength in all the above.

May you know that strength is found in letting our tears freely flow down our face…and body, in laughing till our sides hurt, in smiling at strangers as we pass, in sitting in the silence, in doodling, in dancing, in drawing, in yoga, in looking in the mirror and offering love to ourselves even if only through our eyes (words if you choose and of your choosing), in Pilates, in speaking with friends, in sharing with support groups and therapists and in so many more ways than I can even begin to list.

Fortitude to you…to us all, as we navigate what’s new and different and difficult/challenging.

Wisdom to us for/on this journey and always…

Grace upon grace.

Common Day Hero: College, the newness of things, the pain of the past, life in general…for all of it, I dedicate this post to you, Emma R. You are held, always…in the warmest of thoughts and most positive energy and by our ancestors whose strength and resilience flows through your veins, empowering and propelling you forward. Be bold and brave as you are evolving and ever-becoming…a beautiful butterfly.

October 5, 2023

commit

The world is loud and noisy.

For our own health’s sake, which in turn affects those around us, we can commit to silence the noise. We may not always have a say about external noise; however, we can commit to silence the noise near and within us…to the best of our ability – below are some suggestions that may resonate with you:

Commit to silence the noise by

practicing being in silence for 3minutes a day @minimum

IF that needs to be in ya closet with ya eyes closed OR staring out at the lake…just silence

Commit to silence the noise by

choosing 1 day a week OR month of 0 social media and/OR no TV, Netflix, Hulu, appleTV etc

Commit to silence the noise by

silencing the phone for a certain amount of time while awake (bedtime doesn’t count here)

Commit to silence the noise by

meeting with a therapist and/or life coach regularly

Commit to silence the noise by

joining a support group

Commit to silence the noise by

walking away from gossip

Commit to silence the noise by

taking full/deep breaths every day -practice fully inhaling for five; holding for seven and exhaling for nine

Commit to silence the noise by

sitting or standing in silence (not doing anything else) while listening to 1 instrumental piece

Commit to silence the noise by

reading Scripture

writing out Scriptures on index cards or colorful card stock (or construction paper!)

and if ya find it helpful, tape in a prominent place OR keep in your vehicle’s cup holder and read every time you enter your vehicle (before driving!)

Commit to silence the noise by

drawing freeStyle

doodling

coloring in a coloring book

Commit to silence the noise by

using grounding techniques – move slowly through each of the following:

look at (really see) and count 5 different things in the room

touch 4 things such as feeling the fabric of your outfit

listen to/focus on 3 distinct sounds (sometimes closing eyes may help during this)

taste 2 different things (take your time with each piece of fruit, chocolate, cheese…)

smell an essential oil or perfume

Commit to silence the noise by

picturing a mental image (the ocean, mountains, the forest, a park, the sky, a rainbow…something else)

Commit to silence the noise by

Saying affirmations out loud with ya hand raised if ya like!

I AM essential, I AM loved, I AM healed

I commit to be still

I commit to live from a place of rest (acronym: Releasing Every Sabotaging Thought -author unknown)

I AM free

Commit to silence the noise by

choosing a day to simply stay in (and for those of us who stay in too much already; go out now!)

Commit to silence the noise by

lighting a candle, maybe sit in nothing but the light of that candle and watch the flame

Commit to silence the noise by

meditating

listening to Scriptures or affirmations – it is a joy for me to read Scripture, quotes, poems, affirmations, letters for individuals as well as gatherings of any kind. Yes, call or text to commission -469.585.3723 (smiles and dap)!

Commit to silence the noise by

choosing to be silent for a whole 24hours!

Commit to silence the noise by

choosing what brings your heart contentment, peace and joy

Common Day Hero: She rises early to ensure that all is well, in her heart as well as her home, for her sweet family. She works full time within the home and for the congregation she serves alongside her family as well as at her place of employment. She is gentle and firm, soft and strong, present in every moment. I AM grateful to have her in my circle and feel so honored by her. Today, I dedicate this post to Alice G…Heaven’s best to you and yours, always.

December 22, 2022

highly

rePosting and slightly edited – Comfort, Peace and Light to all ~

Thinking about Mother Mary this holiday season, had me overwhelmed with emotion…

She was “highly favored” AND pregnant but not married in a time that looked down on such things

“Highly favored” AND couldn’t get a loan…a bank account…or a phone on her own

“Highly favored” AND couldn’t get a place in her own name

“Highly favored” AND rejected by the local townsfolk, gossiped about by the praying and the prEying

“Highly favored” AND discredited, made fun of and most likely ostracized by the Believers Only Club and the At-least-we-lookiN-Holy Inc

“Highly favored” AND how many “friends” disappeared once she went public w/her “condition”

“Highly favored” AND which religious circle/s happily welcomed her into their group

“Highly favored” AND she had to tell her fiancé, I’m pregnant oh…it’s Heaven’s Child – like ain’t no HUman did this

“Highly favored” AND she appeared mentally unstable…unwell…

“Highly favored” AND how much prenatal care she get (if any)

“Highly Favored” AND in the dead of night, had to leave erythAng she knew AnD move…not up to the East side, no…she had to move to a place that certainly didn’t look HeavenSent

“Highly Favored” AND she laid on the dirtY floor of a stable…surrounded by animals, LAWD, the smells alone – I need to know, did somebody give the girl some lemon, lavender, mint…anything?

“Highly Favored” AND she gave birth to her firstborn: The Most Powerful and simultaneously Gentle One, The Great Spirit, The Divine, My Sovereign One behind the Bethlehem Bed and Breakfast.

“Highly Favored”…now, maybe we should talk about the definitions for this word, favor –

kindness, approval, support, over generous, preferential treatment…wait a minute, whose definition of FavoR we talkiN’ about here?

Favor from Heaven’s perspective is NOthing like what earth may have us believing!

Remember to remind yaSelf of the way Heaven views Favor

iF you are Highly Favored, Heaven will drop a seed into ya system that Heaven alone can germinate, grow and develop and finally cause to “show” on the outside.

Heaven alone can take credit for the nourishment, birth and growth of this because Heaven alone in charge of Favor/Favour.

This new life will have limitless potential but NO human can decide what the path will look like.

It may not appear “logical” but iF ya keep your ears open to the Sound of the Angels, they’re coming in this season of miracles to remind you that you are “Highly Favored” and EverY single occurrence in your is because…

You are Highly Favored/Favoured!

Can you raise ya hand up in the air; make a fist if you like and say it out LOUD with me…I AM Highly Favored/Favoured!

That interview that did NoT turn into an offer is because I AM Highly Favored

That promotion I was promised but didn’t receive is because I AM Highly Favored

That house loan I was assured would come through wasn’t granted because I AM Highly Favored

That relationship (friendship or romantic) didn’t go as I planned because I AM Highly Favored

Consider:

What are you being Protected from because you are Highly Favored?

What is Heaven allowing to happen so you feel isolated, even in and maybe especially in religious or socio-economic or familial and familiar circles?

What is Heaven allowing so people will speak terribly to you and about you because you are Highly Favored?

What is it that isn’t looking like good sense but is Heaven’s leading?

What has you seeing/experiencing the Wonder amidst the worrisome?

Regardless of how it appears, the Truth that holds me is I AM Highly Favored/Favoured!

I can rest/trust/lean back because Heaven has me…and you dear one!

Common Day Hero: Diligent worker, faith-filled woman, devoted wife and mother, sister of my father, you are missed beyond my ability to accurately describe it. Today, I dedicate this post to my Aunt K. George who, this year, joined the rest of her family in Heaven.

October 27, 2022

divots

The definition for divot is “a piece of turf cut out of the ground by a golf club in making a stroke”.

A person playing golf is slicing into the ground and ripping up dirt, causing a hole. Not intentionally, but it’s a side effect of playing the game.

This has me thinkiN…many times we are cut/sliced into by someone else not intent on hurting us…it’s just a by-product of an action. We aren’t always aware in life how many things are simply a side effect, indirect consequence or by-product.

We, sometimes become extremely upset at the club that caused the divot. That is alright. Once we’ve processed the feelings though, it would behoove us to look into gaining a better understanding or releasing as best as possible that which we can’t understand.

Divots are cause for pause and contemplation. Divots cause us to slow down so that we can observe, take in what’s needed and move forward with mindfulness.

All of the above was spurred by the thought of accepting what is, releasing what was expected, surrendering in every way.

It reminds me – the Giver of every good and perfect gift is not withholding from me in any way.

I AM cared for always. I AM given every single gift that’s meant for me…in its perfect time.

Pure/true rest comes from accepting the above.

It is surrender. It is acceptance. It is a recommitting to hold everyone and everything in my life with my palms open. It is trust. It is faith. It is seeing the divots as Divine.

Dear Friend, have you noticed some divots along your path? What can you process and vent/release regarding the divots? What are you able to offer gratitude for (around the divots)?

Who or what needs to be surrendered (loosen the grasp) so you can fully breathe and accept and rest?

set the B.A.R. ~ breathe. accept. rest.

Common Day Hero: Life threw quite a few divots your way. You remained/still remain kind, thoughtful, generous and a cycle breaker. The next generation already rises up and calls you blessed; I join them. Dearest DaniA, today, I dedicate this post to you.

September 30, 2022

Quince

How can it be that a child of mine is now fifteen?!

Guess this is the feeling every birthday ~ what? another year flew by already?

We had such a grand and delightful time with our village celebrating this occasion!

Adorable one of mine was stunning in her Quinceneara top and skirt, her perfectly suited tiara (gift from one of her grandmothers), her first ever rosary (made by a grandmother so dear to us), decked in jewelry gifted by family and friends and her first ever stilettos ~ a gorgeous rose gold (another gift from family).

She was anointed with oil, had blessings, prayers and Scriptures spoken over her…a delicious cake and cupcakes, a sweet and fun first dance, her favorite kind of food, a hall so nicely decorated by family and friends and a dance floor filled with people she loves and who love her so dearly!

This night was a joy beyond description for me and my village. My heart was/is so full to have this special event for her. It is truly Heaven’s favor!

I AM most grateful for the kind people who helped bring this dream to life and made the night such a lovely and fun one for all, but especially for my brave, beautiful and brilliant daughter!

She rated it a 10/10 and that is all that matters!

Which special events do you remember with fondness?

What happy times can you go back to in your mind to remind yourself how good life can be?

What can you do to celebrate yourself today?

Common Day Hero: It’s only been a short time but I count you dear to me. One of the reasons you ranked high so quickly is because you were born on such a special/significant day! Your connection to The Divine, your fierce protection of your children and your commitment to your husband are just a few ways that your life is exemplary. Shevona, I dedicate this post to you.