Through the years, I’ve heard many interesting things regarding fear. Maybe you have also? Some believe it is to be driven out and once “driven out” is gone for good, but to date, I have not met a human who has never had an encounter with fear. You may have heard fearless, no fear, unafraid and other similar sentiments that lead us to believe life without fear is here…the popular statement “faith over fear” has us believing it’s like choosing an option from a candy jar or vending machine. I can’t say that I’m fearless; I can say that in recent years, fear has seemed more like a tunnel to me.
A tunnel shows up every now and then along the road and if I want to continue moving forward, I must do the difficult work to travel through the tunnel. I have the option to go around the tunnel (ignore the issue and hinder my own growth), climb on top of the tunnel (shout, sing, stomp about victory but not practically work through anything; basically, remain in the same place) or I can go through the tunnel (process: sit, cry, breathe, crawl, pray, stand, sing, remind myself of truth and then continue to walk through the darkness till I’m back in the Light again).
Our fears need not match. What appears scary, daunting and nerve-racking to you, need not be the same for me. It is okay. Afraid of the dark, of interesting/different creatures (including humans!), of using our voice, of being shunned or shut down, of Corona, of standing up for the marginalized/outcast/forgotten/ignored…waaay too many fears to list them all here, but every fear is real and legitimate to the one feeling/facing it. For years, I didn’t realize that fear had taken many forms and some of those forms took residence in my mind and heart.
I don’t know what works best for each of us, but what I have found helpful on the journey is to name the fear. Once I name a fear, it no longer looms largely over me. Fear, a four-letter word, isn’t something that I ignore anymore. I sit with it at the entryway of the tunnel. At times, I realize that it has paralyzed me…feel like I can’t even catch a breath. At times, it’s like I’ve fallen in a very dark space. Sometimes, I sit in silence. Sometimes, I sing, cuss, cry, lie down, pray…and eventually, I stand. A bit unsteady, knees shaking, trying to breathe. I quote verses and positive affirmations that encourage me. I focus and intentionally take a deep breath, then two. With every breath in, I think on good things; with every exhale, I release all negative energy. I walk through a mental vision imagining fear as a large object that begins shrinking down to an item I can “put in its place”…an item so small, it fits under my feet!
Some days, I move steadily through the fears that come my way and other days, the process is quite taxing and takes much longer than I expect. Regardless, I commit to facing it all. When I was twenty-one, I was done with college. Done, as in, not interested, didn’t see the value, couldn’t understand why some people I knew with a Masters were working jobs slightly above minimum wage. Over the next twenty years, I attempted to go back to college many times, but after a class or two, I’d just quit. I couldn’t decide on a major (I knew fa sho that the medical field was not fa me!), but I never saw myself as intelligent enough to complete a Bachelors. In 2014, I decided to face my fear. I researched subjects that caught my interest and then jumped in to become a student of Sociology at UNT (Go mean green!). Many times I doubted, cried and wanted to quit, but I was determined not to listen to all the negative talk (in my own mind and from some around me). The biggest war was within myself; regardless of what external voices said, I had to make a choice. Listen to the negative or replace it with positive, healing, calming words. I began meditating on what was true, pure, just and admirable. I continued to give my best and in 2017, graduated with my Bachelors!
Fear is ever present, aiming to stop us from fully living the abundant life that awaits. My commitment remains, fear will never have the last word over me. I AM committed to doing everything necessary to walk through/process/face down every single fear that shows up on my journey. May we do the difficult work of bringing fear down…every day. We’re in this together (well, safely at home during this corona craziness but together!).
Common Day Hero: Chronic pain, depression, fatigue, terminal illness, mental health concerns, I know there’s so much more than I can list here, but to all who are struggling behind the scenes, you are not alone. Hope, strength, courage and peace to you today. Your heart is important. We need you. Stay in the fight, dear heart, this post is dedicated to you.
