Dreaming

I didn’t grow up dreaming of becoming a mother one day (thought I’d muck it up terribly)…
I didn’t grow up dreaming of getting married…I didn’t grow up dreaming of founding a non-profit org…
I didn’t grow up dreaming of being a business owner…

I didn’t grow up dreaming.

So, I was “late” by society’s standards, but I personally believe everything is on time with the Divine.

At twenty-seven, I married the man of my choosing and began daring to dream! At twenty-eight, I became a business owner and a few years later welcomed two adorable and kind children. I’ve always had a heart to help, so I founded a non-profit org (Shiloh Restored). Rescuing children from death, educating those less fortunate, empowering women through business ventures and hosting retreats for men and women. 

At forty I became a college graduate (Go Mean Green!). I started blogging earlier this year and just last month, started a proofreading and editing business (MissEdit.net)! And now, I AM dreaming…of becoming diabetes-free!

This seems by far, the most difficult and challenging issue of my life. My strongest/greatest (strong and great seem such positive words, but at the moment, I don’t know which other words to use) addiction for as long as I can remember has been sugar…and bread. sigh.

I am struggling even more with sugar cravings now that Covid-19 has fully settled among us. Long sigh. I AM  determined to push through this. For the first time (with regards to sugar/carbs), I am not quitting. Many days have found me making terribly poor choices, but I am not giving up. 

Making poor choices feels like I’ve suddenly fallen to the floor. Passed out, actually. I lay there for God knows how long…seems like an eternity. Finally, I start coming back to consciousness. Everything moves in slow motion. I rub my eyes, shake my head, assess where I am. Then, slowly…I start to rise.

I have committed to continue to rise, re-evaluate, make just one better choice and keep moving forward. Even if two or three whole days in a row are filled with sugar and/or bread, I will be free. I will rise! This is new for me. Before now, I would become so upset with myself, repeat self-defeating words and just give up entirely. 

A few months ago, I began keeping a food log (gasp. shriek. cuss. run!). I couldn’t believe how much sugar I was eating on a daily basis! I knew I ate a lot of sugar, but I didn’t realize just how much a LOT was!

Maybe it would help to share a day from my food log – a cup of coffee, a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, a bowl of Magic Spoon cocoa cereal, a bottle of water (sixteen.nine fl oz), two biscuits with cheese, two biscuits with jam, a bottle of water, a banana, two Betty Crocker strawberry cupcakes, a bottle of water, cheese popcorn and another bottle of water. That entry was THIS week!

I share this in hopes of being an encouragement. See my failures. Know that I’m just as human. We are not alone. We can do this! No matter how many times we fail, we can pick back up and make healthy choices again.

Have we stopped dreaming? Is there a dream (or three!) that we’ve shelved? Let’s begin dreaming and letting our dreams live again! We are in the struggle together. I AM committed to change…even if slow, our progress is certain! Here’s to a new life  – one healthy choice at a time!

Common Day Hero: The road has been exciting and frustrating at times, but you have continued to walk with me. You believed in me (and my health) when I didn’t believe in myself. Niji voted that this post be dedicated to you without knowing that I had already chosen to dedicate this post to you! I greatly appreciate your commitment to help me on this journey. You are a solid and trustworthy friend. I dedicate this post to you, Jin.