Pain and Peace co-exist. I’ve said it many times through the years and now I’ve been reminding myself this.whole.week.

Pain and Peace can co-exist. In the midst of immense pain, I feel Peace. In the moments when the pain is so overwhelming, I remind myself of the Peace above all understanding.

I am walking through one of the most difficult experiences of my journey now. I’m living with pain beyond my ability to describe it.

During this time, it’s been cutting to the core to see who my real and true friends are versus those who are just here if X, Y, Z or one, two, three happens. I was so sure I knew who my friends were, but then…sigh.

Just this week another person I thought I could trust led me to more tears. I realized half way through the conversation, yah, this was certainly not necessary. sigh. I am learning and growing and recognizing the safe spaces. All is not what it seems.

I’m reminding myself that all is well. Pain and Peace co-exist for me.

I am practicing the very things I’ve shared with others in person, on the phone, on this blog…it’s looking like this for me right now –

Cry. Sometimes that’s a thousand streams of water running down my face for a really long time. Sometimes it’s just a few silent tears. Sometimes tears fill my eyes.

Scream. Like a toddler…I’m talkin’ the shake your whole body, stomp, scream at the top of my lungs kind of screaming…when I have a moment alone in my car!

Take deep breaths. Sometimes I imagine a calming/comforting scene. Sometimes I look at a photo. Sometimes I close my eyes. Sometimes I close one nostril (why does that word sound dirty?!). Sometimes I hold my breath for seven seconds before exhaling. Sometimes I just breathe!

Journal. I make notes of so many things, but I recently realized (yesterday!) that I’m not the greatest at taking a moment to ask myself what am I feeling right now? So, adding that!

Quote Scripture. The verses from childhood have been coming up a lot. The ones I didn’t know why I was being forced to memorize (thanks Dad!). They’re bringing comfort and courage and Peace in the midst of pain now.

Talk with friends. This one has been painful, peaceful, comforting and challenging. I’m finding the friends who don’t make it about them, don’t minimize my pain, don’t suddenly jump ship and are alright with just being.

Sing! Music is cathartic. Somedays I listen to instrumental music. Somedays I listen to a wide genre. Somedays I sing along with the music. Somedays I just sing! I’m not the greatest singer, but I enjoy singing, so I sing!

Pray. I am being still. Sighing, listening to all that The Divine is saying and spilling my heart out too.

I AM choosing Peace in the pain and so can you, dear Warrior.

Common Day Hero: You are kind. You analyze (too much!) about all the people, places, things…I know, it’s because you are consistently working to be your best. I see and feel your sincere heart, unconditional love and loyalty to those in your circle. For and with you, always, Theja. I dedicate this post to you.

On Monday of this week, we learned that a hurricane was en route to Louisiana and South East Texas. By Wednesday, we were told that it was a category four hurricane. Many of my family members and friends make their home in Beaumont and surrounding cities.

Some refused to evacuate and chose to shelter in place while others began leaving as soon as the news arrived. This isn’t the first hurricane my family has seen; thus, the refusal by some to leave. Thankfully, when Thursday morning arrived, the storm wasn’t as bad as predicted in the area my family calls home. Sadly, it was as bad as predicted for other areas.

Many of us may not be facing a physical storm now, but an internal or personal storm is raging. We may feel alone, but we are not alone. Many have gone before us, many walk alongside us, many are coming behind us on the journey and many of us isolate and struggle in secret.

If you’re ready to come out of isolation/hiding, what about one or all of these possibilities? Reach out to a therapist, join a support group, start a book club, sign-up for a dance/fitness class, schedule a monthly gathering of the girls/guys (even if it’s virtual)…

A song (actually, just the chorus) from nineteen eighty-nine recently came to mind and I began singing it. The words reminded me that regardless of what occurs (internally or externally), I AM safe in the Divine…My Rock, My Friend, My Abba and Amma. The storm still rages, but I find comfort in these words:

“In the eye of the hurricane -in the center of the storm – in the chaos there’s a comfort – a harbor safe and warm – though strong winds may blow – they can’t change what I know – and I’ll hold to the Rock – that the winds can’t erode.” by Singer: Trace Balin on the Album: Here and Now

What brings you comfort in the storm? What speaks peace to you regardless of external circumstances?

My little sister called me Tuesday morning about coming to stay at my house. She didn’t ask. She knew she didn’t need to ask. As soon as I answered the phone, she said, hey, there’s a hurricane on its way here, so I’m coming up there. I AM so glad she knows that she can do that with me.

Who are the people you know will be/are a safe haven during the storms in your life? Friends who will listen, hold, feed and pray for you (if you want)…friends who will love you well…

My personality is such that I would have every room in our house filled and the back yard too…my home is always open; unfortunately, there is a limit on the space, facilities and finances we have…there is no limit tho to the prayers, hugs, dap and kind words I can offer…and that’s available anytime!

From my heart to yours: strength, wisdom and peace in/during and through the storms.

Common Day Hero: You always greeted me with a smile. At my very first gathering with the family, you took time to check on me and reassure me that I was welcome/wanted. You didn’t even know me and you had your apprehensions, but you remained sincere and kind. This week, you celebrated your fifth birthday in heaven. That is still surreal and always bring tears. I imagine you and my dad have become better acquainted now and are smiling down on all of us! Aunt Norma, I dedicate this post to you.

So…for my birthday this year, the friend who gave me Simba, gave me Midnight (the newest little in our home!). Midnight, aka M. Night Stanley is an adorable two and a half pound, black bundle of curiosity and energy. Yes, we now have a kitten!

Midnight wasn’t “planned”, or maybe I should say we didn’t plan for Midnight! A friend of mine said yes to fostering three rescue kittens and Midnight was one of the three who just happened to arrive while I was visiting. I walked into the room and the kitten that had been hissing and hiding and running scared out of her mind, cuddled right up to my neck.

What “unplanned” event are you grateful for, today?

Midnight was/is a pleasant surprise! See, my friend didn’t know that from the time I was eleven till I was fifteen, I had a black cat whom I simply adored. At fifteen, my family relocated and I was forced to give my cat away. We were told that my cat was frightened and ran away from the new home. I was so hurt and upset and vowed never to get another pet because the pain was too deep.

I received Midnight as a sweet gift from God. In this dark and bleak season, Midnight came as a reminder that I AM SEEN by the Divine. Regardless of the countless times I feel unseen, this Truth remains, I AM seen!

What or whom have you welcomed as a pleasant surprise?

Midnight is so curious. She has shown our family the beauty and sense of wonder that only little ones can. With each new day, she is venturing out more…further into the house, discovering new hiding places, new things to pounce on, new items to serve as toys and always any food/crumbs that might have fallen.

What is one thing we can do today to renew our sense of wonder…pique our curiosity?

Midnight is small…nothing she does will change this instantly. Over time, she will grow and gain strength, but today, here, now, she is tiny and fragile. I must fully accept the place I’m currently in to appreciate it (and all that it may come to signify, in the future).

What difficult thing (or person!) do you need to accept/reconcile within yourself?

Midnight is black. Black is beautiful. Midnight is stunning! When I was growing up (and sadly, even now), I heard fair is lovely. The messages all around me (in both European American and Asian/Indian American circles) are that dark is scary, unwanted and far from lovely. As I became older, I told myself the Truth (often) till it became a part of me. We are all lovely because we are image bearers of the Divine One.

What is something that has been “false” for so long, but you know it’s true? What is one step that you can take to begin embracing this Truth?

Common Day Hero: Unexpected friend, especially in times of need…you are a friend, in deed/indeed! You are generous, funny and empathetic. With a grateful heart, I dedicate this post to you, Mel.

I’ve grown up hearing that I need to be driven…hustle…grind…work, work, work, work, work. At all costs and I mean all costs…whether it costs me myself, time with my husband, kids, extended family, friends, my sanity…didn’t matter.

Whatever the cost, do anything necessary to keep it moving…to attain financial security or whatever externally appears to be financial success. In my twenties, I heard someone sharing about being led.

Interesting…led, not driven.

It sent me on a journey of soul-searching. I began working my way back through situations and it seemed all around me, people were busy trying to be “secure”. I truly believe and know at my core that there is no such thing as external security.

What we think is solid and unshakable can be turned upside down in an instant…the pandemic seems to have highlighted that again for all of us. Our stocks can crash, our retirement fund can evaporate faster than we thought possible, our pay checks can stop without explanation, our identities can be stolen, our spouses can decide that it’s the end of the road, our kids can choose paths that cause themselves harm, our savings can be eaten up by unforeseen circumstances and so on and so forth.

Being led, not driven simply put is that I AM healthy with my boundaries on all things external. So that when the external crashes, I am shaken internally but not smothered. I may be disappointed, but not destroyed. I may be in tears and they may unexpectedly come in waves, but I will not drown. I will re-center and remind myself to cling to that which is a firm foundation, my safe haven, my faith in the Divine plan unfolding.

I take time to work. I work to the best of my ability, but I am not “on” twenty-four/seven for work. My quiet time is of utmost importance if I hope to be my best self. So, I take time to meditate, pray, take deep breaths, journal, sing, play music or sounds of the ocean and move forward from a place of being led from within, not driven by the external.

What are you feeling? Anxiety, fear, stress…driven? May I suggest some time of quiet, a safe space to meditate, focus, breathe and pray? From that place, be led into every assignment, connection, work and see/feel/experience the difference of being led, not driven.

Common Day Hero: I have seen you with nothing, with much and in between the two. Regardless of the situation, your faith has sustained you and remains a beacon for many. You have shared your money even when you knew you would go hungry if you shared. I AM grateful beyond description for the way Abba has blessed you, internally and externally. Leni, love you so much. Stay unconventional, creative and kind.